Help and Comfort in a Duffel Bag

My family typically hibernates during the chilly winter months of Northeastern Ohio. Aside from school activities, the occasional outing for fun, or time spent with their friends, we aren't very busy. Once spring is on the horizon, our schedule begins to pick up steam. Baseball and softball start up for my three children, summer golf league on Saturday mornings begins in June, by early August soccer practice begins and that will take us through the last weekend of October. Fall festivities, then the yummy holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas come, followed by hibernation again.

I am thankful for the abundant cargo space of my van for it is useful to carry all of our pop up chairs, sporting equipment (golf clubs included), and the infamous "Robertson Family Duffel Bag". Sporting equipment rotates in and out, depending upon the season we are in. The Robertson Family Duffel Bag is a staple and never leaves the van permanently~ only for cleaning, refilling, and to be carried to and from the van at whatever event we are at. Sometimes, I condense the duffel bag into a backpack if we are going to be on the move such as hiking through Cuyahoga Valley National Park, Virginia Kendall, or are at the zoo.

The contents of the bag are always helpful in many different situations and we are always willing to provide snack or medical relief to those that surround us. I am reminded of the scripture John 15:9-15: "I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love. I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father" (The Message). Our duffel bag has become a small way that we can show the love we have within, to others and if we can help, we will!

What's in the duffel bag you may ask? Currently we have as follows: instant ice packs (we've gone through 5 out of 6 in less than 2 months for family injuries and injuries to others), band-aids in a couple of sizes, anti-itch cream, Neosporin, bug spray, suntan lotion, a few extra water and Gatorade lining the bottom, tissues, plastic bags, hand sanitizer (stinky port-a-potties), snacks of all kinds like pretzel rods and granola (right now we have non-melting snacks because we learned the hard way that Fruit Roll Ups stick to the plastic they are on). The duffel bag is large enough that I can toss in 4 small umbrellas that I keep under the seat of my van for rainy weather and has loop handles on the top that I can slide an old multipurpose blanket through for impromptu picnics. We stay on a rather tight budget so stopping for a bite to eat is rarely an option and my children know this. They can have a snack out of the bag as we zoom home for dinner. Children and adults can get hurt, not have anything to drink, get a bit too much sun, or get attacked by mosquitoes, and it's always a great feeling when you can at least volunteer to help. Look and see if you have an extra bag laying around your house and fill it with some great necessities to share. A few pounds of Twizzlers go a long way!

How Alzheimer's Had an Impact on Me (Brief Synopsis)

My dad began experiencing early onset Alzheimer's when I was in High School. His mother died of Alzheimer's, his older sister died of Alzheimer's, and 2 of his other sisters died of brain aneurysms. We noticed the little things he did that pointed in this general direction fairly early. Paul W. Falkner, my dad, was a highly intelligent man and could fix just about anything. If he didn't have a part to fix it, he would create one from scratch. He started putting masking tape notes on things to serve as reminders. His coffee pot would have a note that said, "take out the trash". The bathroom mirror had a note that said, "brush teeth". Little things like that. Then his brief case became a post it note board...pick up snacks for work, fill up with gas, buy cigarettes. His job had him under evaluation and he was sent to a Psychiatrist. I remember the call I got from my mom the spring after I graduated high school (1993) informing me that the Psychiatrist confirmed our biggest fears. Early onset Alzheimer's...dementia...

My dad kept working at lower and lower capacities. I began driving my dad back and forth to work after his summer vacation in fall 93. He got up to go to work after his 3 week annual summer vacation and forgot how to drive. He walked up to his (my parent's) bedroom, sat at the end of the bed and told my mom that he didn't know how to get to work. The company was buying him time by setting him up on the loading dock. This lasted for a while...until he had his 30 years in and they let him go.

In 1997 I left Ohio and moved to Atlanta, by choice. My mom and sister were left to care for my dad, alone. My mom was working full time and my sister was still living at home while working and going to school. Shortly after I moved, my mom did what had to be done. She quit her job and began taking care of my dad full time. Disability doesn't cover the bills very well. She did the best she could. Whatever monthly expenses that weren't getting covered by their limited income, she charged. His health continued to deteriorate. In 1998 my mom came down to Atlanta to see me graduate from the Academy of Somatic Healing Arts as a massage therapist. In order to come, she had to coordinate with my sister so she could be with my dad the whole time. It was about this time that she began talking to hospice.

The fall of 1998 I found out I was pregnant with my first child. His health began deteriorating at a quicker speed. My mom called me at one point to tell me that my dad had the hiccups for days and days and days...his appetite became non existent...their bodily functions start to fail. I was almost a full 9 months pregnant and on July 1, 1999, my dad died at the age of 58 in the living room...on the couch.

It's impacted my family greatly. My daughter Zoe was born July 15, 1999. My sister was married in September 1999. I had another daughter in 2000, was married in 2001, and lost my husband in 2005. It's kind of a bummer that my dad missed out on all these kids! And heck, I even moved back home! What has impacted me in a positive way is to see the ways that I "favor" him. I have his ability to fix stuff. Not quite as good as him, but I am learning. I am pretty smart like him, too.

Whatever debt that my mom had gained during the couple of years taking care of my dad had to be rolled into her home. Life insurance was expensive for her to carry and after all the estate taxes are taken out, she barely made a dent in the debt. So, this passed year was the 30 year anniversary of living in this home, the 10 year anniversary of my dad's death, and my mom's house still has 20 some years to pay on it. She did the best she could. My parent's marriage wasn't the best. There was 11 years difference in age. My dad was old fashioned. My mom, well, I still don't know how to explain her. I think she has aged quicker...and my mom has definitely lost some of her sense of humor. She'd probably yell at me if I said she still held on to some bitterness and anger, too. The impact is long lasting, like with any death. Only with Alzheimer's the impact begins to be felt in the earliest symptoms and last for years after. From start...1991ish (onset) to 1999ish (death) to even now.

That is a brief synopsis of how Alzheimer's had an impact on me.