How Alzheimer's Had an Impact on Me (Brief Synopsis)

My dad began experiencing early onset Alzheimer's when I was in High School. His mother died of Alzheimer's, his older sister died of Alzheimer's, and 2 of his other sisters died of brain aneurysms. We noticed the little things he did that pointed in this general direction fairly early. Paul W. Falkner, my dad, was a highly intelligent man and could fix just about anything. If he didn't have a part to fix it, he would create one from scratch. He started putting masking tape notes on things to serve as reminders. His coffee pot would have a note that said, "take out the trash". The bathroom mirror had a note that said, "brush teeth". Little things like that. Then his brief case became a post it note board...pick up snacks for work, fill up with gas, buy cigarettes. His job had him under evaluation and he was sent to a Psychiatrist. I remember the call I got from my mom the spring after I graduated high school (1993) informing me that the Psychiatrist confirmed our biggest fears. Early onset Alzheimer's...dementia...

My dad kept working at lower and lower capacities. I began driving my dad back and forth to work after his summer vacation in fall 93. He got up to go to work after his 3 week annual summer vacation and forgot how to drive. He walked up to his (my parent's) bedroom, sat at the end of the bed and told my mom that he didn't know how to get to work. The company was buying him time by setting him up on the loading dock. This lasted for a while...until he had his 30 years in and they let him go.

In 1997 I left Ohio and moved to Atlanta, by choice. My mom and sister were left to care for my dad, alone. My mom was working full time and my sister was still living at home while working and going to school. Shortly after I moved, my mom did what had to be done. She quit her job and began taking care of my dad full time. Disability doesn't cover the bills very well. She did the best she could. Whatever monthly expenses that weren't getting covered by their limited income, she charged. His health continued to deteriorate. In 1998 my mom came down to Atlanta to see me graduate from the Academy of Somatic Healing Arts as a massage therapist. In order to come, she had to coordinate with my sister so she could be with my dad the whole time. It was about this time that she began talking to hospice.

The fall of 1998 I found out I was pregnant with my first child. His health began deteriorating at a quicker speed. My mom called me at one point to tell me that my dad had the hiccups for days and days and days...his appetite became non existent...their bodily functions start to fail. I was almost a full 9 months pregnant and on July 1, 1999, my dad died at the age of 58 in the living room...on the couch.

It's impacted my family greatly. My daughter Zoe was born July 15, 1999. My sister was married in September 1999. I had another daughter in 2000, was married in 2001, and lost my husband in 2005. It's kind of a bummer that my dad missed out on all these kids! And heck, I even moved back home! What has impacted me in a positive way is to see the ways that I "favor" him. I have his ability to fix stuff. Not quite as good as him, but I am learning. I am pretty smart like him, too.

Whatever debt that my mom had gained during the couple of years taking care of my dad had to be rolled into her home. Life insurance was expensive for her to carry and after all the estate taxes are taken out, she barely made a dent in the debt. So, this passed year was the 30 year anniversary of living in this home, the 10 year anniversary of my dad's death, and my mom's house still has 20 some years to pay on it. She did the best she could. My parent's marriage wasn't the best. There was 11 years difference in age. My dad was old fashioned. My mom, well, I still don't know how to explain her. I think she has aged quicker...and my mom has definitely lost some of her sense of humor. She'd probably yell at me if I said she still held on to some bitterness and anger, too. The impact is long lasting, like with any death. Only with Alzheimer's the impact begins to be felt in the earliest symptoms and last for years after. From start...1991ish (onset) to 1999ish (death) to even now.

That is a brief synopsis of how Alzheimer's had an impact on me.