On the Steps with Jesus (March 22, 2010)
On Saturday, Sage and I spent the afternoon together. Zoe had gone shopping with her friend and was going to spend the night at her house. Zeke was loving the idea that we were going to be out of the house and he opted to stay at home and play Wii. You know, he may just become a video game developer some day. Sage and I had a few things we had to accomplish. First, we needed to get some milk, bread, and yogurt to supply us until our next big grocery run. Second, we wanted to pick up New Moon and watch it because it was fresh out on DVD. My girls and I read all the books and enjoy the movies. You got a problem with that? lol. Third, we just wanted to hang out and spend a little time together because we could.
We were heading west down Summit Road toward Kent, when Sage brought up an interesting topic. I have been sitting here racking my brain about how we got on the topic...I think it was just "relational" and "locational" in its nature. I think her curiosity was leading her to question about where God is....where Christ is. She knows that she has a new heart. I think we all struggle in our journey with His way of relating to us...and where he is physically in the moment.
Where was Christ? Is He down here or up there? Is He some big eye in the sky, peering down upon us? I told her about a time when I was in the counseling office with my counselor, Tim, and a counselor in training, Mary when we were living down in GA. I was having the same exact struggle as a 30 year old woman in the middle of my most traumatic season of life. If He loved me sooooo much, where in the world was He at? The sun was pouring into the office window and the room was gaining in warmth and intensity. Tim and Mary were in prayer along side of me and I was asking God to reveal Himself to me. I asked Him to show me where He had been in my life. I was 7 years old when I asked Jesus to come live in my heart...a.k.a....take my heart and replace with a new one. I spent the majority of my life completely unaware of His presence. So I sat there in the silence and warmth of the office waiting for Him to show me...and I don't think we were going to leave that place until He did. I had a memory. When I was a kid, I would sometimes be woken up by the sound of my parents in one of their "debates"....more or less, an argument...much like any argument between married couples...with a good amount of verbal assaults hurled toward one another. I methodically pulled the covers off of my body and slid out of bed, walked out of my bedroom, and slowly tip toed down the steps. I have always known where to step and not make a sound....the creeks and cracks of the floor have to be memorized so you can properly sneak in and out at all times of night growing up. About half way down (or up, depending on which way you are heading) the wall breaks and the banister starts. I sat there so I could hear them. I was speaking this out loud as the memory unfolded. Tim asked me, "do you see Him?"...in my mind I imagined looking down the steps and through the banister....and then I felt Him beside me. I looked over to my right and He was sitting on the steps with me. I smiled...At this point in the retelling of the story, Sage chimes in with, "what did He look like?"...that I can't really tell you. It's as if you can see a figure and recognize it for what it is...In my mind at the time He was a gentleman...He was glowing~ no not like EDWARD in the sun (Twilight reference for any of you out there that love the story and will inevitably think of Edward when I mention the word "glowing"...even though I would like to believe that my new body will glow when I get it...what?)...glowing in that the steps were not lit very well...but He was visibly present. When I looked at Him, he smiled back...and before I knew it we were both shaking our head back in forth...in unison...He knew I was sad, He was agreeing with me. The memory began to fade and I was left with a very palpable starting point of all the times He was present with me....He showed Himself to me...outside of me...but in my mind I knew His Spirit...was within.
So as Sage was wrapping her brain around that idea...she motioned to the gap in seating between us. She was sitting on Zeke's booster seat in the front passenger side of the van so we could actually make eye contact with one another. She said..."so my Jesus and your Jesus...or my Spirit and your Spirit are sitting here in the gap?" I said, "well...He may choose to show you that He is there...just to make His presence more concrete, but the reality is He is within...in every place, in every moment..." She started giggling and said, "so when we go to the movies, Jesus gets in for free with me"...Yep, Sage...He sure does...
We were heading west down Summit Road toward Kent, when Sage brought up an interesting topic. I have been sitting here racking my brain about how we got on the topic...I think it was just "relational" and "locational" in its nature. I think her curiosity was leading her to question about where God is....where Christ is. She knows that she has a new heart. I think we all struggle in our journey with His way of relating to us...and where he is physically in the moment.
Where was Christ? Is He down here or up there? Is He some big eye in the sky, peering down upon us? I told her about a time when I was in the counseling office with my counselor, Tim, and a counselor in training, Mary when we were living down in GA. I was having the same exact struggle as a 30 year old woman in the middle of my most traumatic season of life. If He loved me sooooo much, where in the world was He at? The sun was pouring into the office window and the room was gaining in warmth and intensity. Tim and Mary were in prayer along side of me and I was asking God to reveal Himself to me. I asked Him to show me where He had been in my life. I was 7 years old when I asked Jesus to come live in my heart...a.k.a....take my heart and replace with a new one. I spent the majority of my life completely unaware of His presence. So I sat there in the silence and warmth of the office waiting for Him to show me...and I don't think we were going to leave that place until He did. I had a memory. When I was a kid, I would sometimes be woken up by the sound of my parents in one of their "debates"....more or less, an argument...much like any argument between married couples...with a good amount of verbal assaults hurled toward one another. I methodically pulled the covers off of my body and slid out of bed, walked out of my bedroom, and slowly tip toed down the steps. I have always known where to step and not make a sound....the creeks and cracks of the floor have to be memorized so you can properly sneak in and out at all times of night growing up. About half way down (or up, depending on which way you are heading) the wall breaks and the banister starts. I sat there so I could hear them. I was speaking this out loud as the memory unfolded. Tim asked me, "do you see Him?"...in my mind I imagined looking down the steps and through the banister....and then I felt Him beside me. I looked over to my right and He was sitting on the steps with me. I smiled...At this point in the retelling of the story, Sage chimes in with, "what did He look like?"...that I can't really tell you. It's as if you can see a figure and recognize it for what it is...In my mind at the time He was a gentleman...He was glowing~ no not like EDWARD in the sun (Twilight reference for any of you out there that love the story and will inevitably think of Edward when I mention the word "glowing"...even though I would like to believe that my new body will glow when I get it...what?)...glowing in that the steps were not lit very well...but He was visibly present. When I looked at Him, he smiled back...and before I knew it we were both shaking our head back in forth...in unison...He knew I was sad, He was agreeing with me. The memory began to fade and I was left with a very palpable starting point of all the times He was present with me....He showed Himself to me...outside of me...but in my mind I knew His Spirit...was within.
So as Sage was wrapping her brain around that idea...she motioned to the gap in seating between us. She was sitting on Zeke's booster seat in the front passenger side of the van so we could actually make eye contact with one another. She said..."so my Jesus and your Jesus...or my Spirit and your Spirit are sitting here in the gap?" I said, "well...He may choose to show you that He is there...just to make His presence more concrete, but the reality is He is within...in every place, in every moment..." She started giggling and said, "so when we go to the movies, Jesus gets in for free with me"...Yep, Sage...He sure does...
